Overheard at the Office: Birthdays and Butter Chicken

7aki: The case of the deadly butter Chicken

Bob:  Hahahahaha – Are you gonna read it?

7aki:  If you buy it I will borrow it from you.

Bob:  I thought you might get it for me – for my birthday.

7aki:  Which is in April.

Bob:  Awwww you remembered – the month. Bonus Bob points if you know the date.

7aki:  The 20th?  Or the 14th

Bob:  No bonus points for you. I know Mar 2 is someone’s birthday

7aki:  You have it in your Iphone.  The 19th? Was I even close?

Bob:

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7aki:  HAHAHAHA.   But Awwww, what a cute baby.   The 12th?

Bob:  Just so that l’m clear on where l my relative importance ranking, please tell me you know  Ambigous Help Desk dudes Birthday? office loud mouth? Burper?

7aki:  When the f**k is your birthday.

Bob:  I should just adopt the day you thought was my birthday as my birthday. I’m now doubting my own birthdate.

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7aki:  I said 14th the first time! That was really close, and then I said the 12th??? So I knew it was between the 10th and the 20th.

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Bob:  Hahahahaha…. close enough from you is the equivalent of I love you from most people. I’ll take that.

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Overheard In the Bathroom. Potty Language Advisory

Buddha has been recently, VERY recently, potty trained; she’s been clean for 4 weeks now, I really need to share the experience with you, I am still MORTIFIED at how long it took her to grasp the concept,  maybe a post for some other time.

Due to her newly acquired skills, she is very excited to go to the bathroom, ESPECIALLY a public bathroom, can you please say EWWWWW?????

Yesterday we were invited to a kid friendly wedding, so we took the girls with, and in the span of three hours, no word of a lie,  Buddha asked to go to the bathroom about TWELVE times!!! WTF???

It might be  the foamy soap dispensers that lure her; our house does not provide already foamy soap, you have to actually RUB YOUR HANDS to make it foam. I can already tell that Buddha is high maintenance.

Or is it this Dyson hand dryer? OK guys this thing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I am not even kidding you, I am positive this thing can launch a rocket that’s how powerful the air blast is. Buddha loves this thing! To be totally honest I love it too, hehehehe, it’s just so much FUN.  It’s like going to a bathroom theme park!!!!

But I digress; at her maybe 8th trip she flipped out because I flushed the toilet, HAHAHAHA, OMG it was so funny! I was in the stall with her and this is what happened:

7aki flushes the toilet. The toilet did not flush fully, toilet paper still in the toilet.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I FLUSH THE TOILET!

7aki: No no I did not flush; see there is still toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOO, you flushed!

7aki: No no I swear LOOK, there is STILL toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOO, you flush my pee! YOU FLUSH MY PEE!!!!

7aki now hears people outside the stall laughing, now I laugh myself; this is just so funny!

Is this what kids reduced us to??? Flush negotiators?

Now while I was resolving the flushing of the pee issue I hear someone peeing in the next stall and I kid you not people it sounded like someone was dumping a bucket of water in the toilet, HAHAHAHAA,  and it was just soooo loud, now little 7aki was in the next stall over and this is what happened:

little 7aki: WHAT IS THAT SOUND???

Now I am muffling my laugh because OMG what IS THAT sound?

Little 7aki: MAMA, WHAT IS THAT SOUND!

I mean little 7aki was loud. SUPER loud. I start giggling , I mean the pee sound is not only loud but this lady is still PEEING, it took her like 5 hours to finish. Maybe if I go there today I will still find her there emptying her bucket!

Little 7aki: WEIRD.

7aki (no longer able to contain myself): HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And this concludes me totally over-sharing today.

 

Urgent World Wide Search

I have lost something dear to me and I am announcing here on the internet in hopes that SOMEONE out there will find it.

I am so sad by this loss and honestly horrified at the idea of never finding it. Honestly I just want to cry right now.

When you have something that was with you since your teenage years and then suddenly you wake up one morning with no warning and it just …poof… disappears; it will mortify you.

Can you please help me by putting the word out there in hopes someone sees it?

I lost…

.

.

I lost …..

.

I lost my waist …. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

WTF waist? Where the eff did you go?  Seriously, this is NOT funny!

You think it’s sooooooooo funny that you just decided to just…DISAPPEAR!!!!!

Not cool and NOT FUNNY.

Is it the donuts that upset you? Those Tim Hortons Honey Crullers that I JUST discovered, seriously I have been in Canada for 10 years and I JUST discovered them, they are like a donut cloud that melts in your mouth. Is it because they are the most fattening donut Timmys has? IS IT? I will leave them if you promise to come back.

Or is it all those cotton candy I am having that they JUST STARTED selling at the store IN A BUCKET!!! Yes IN A BUCKET. Ahhhh, now that is just amazing.  IS IT? For you I will abandon them.

Or, or , please don’t say its the Chilli fries that I LOVE, please don’t let me leave them.. PLEAAAAAAAASE.  Are they? I will also leave them to win you back.

Waist, I miss you.

Do you know what happened since you left? I now sometimes have a little teeeeeeny tiny muffin top. WAAAAAAH.

Please come back (name that song).

Love you,

7aki’s muffin top.

PS:  They say the best part of the muffin is the top so if you decide not to come back then, psshhhhh, WHO NEEDS YOU.

PPS: Also, it seems my butt has transferred to my muffin top too, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

PPPS: NOT FUNNY!!!!!

Passive Aggresive Note ala Toronto Style

Baba 7aki found this note posted in the mens bathroom.

LMAO

 

Things That Irk Me

I needed a snack so I reached into my goodies kitchen cabinet (yes I have one and it’s spilling with stuff) and I got a bag of chips, I opened it and BAM! A post was inspired.

I will list things, despite their insignificance, that irk me:

1) Why are bags of chips big and when you open them they are half full? I know I know you need the air so they won’t crumble but honestly, the amount of chips in these bags is sooo measly that it PISSES ME OFF.

2)Me being pissed of at point number 1. Stan, why are you so mad (name that song)

3) People.

4) People who step off the escalator and stand on the top like idiots. MOVE AWAY BITCHES!

5) Empty milk carton in the fridge, oh the RAGE.

6) Did I say people?

7) High heal shoes that look amazing but mangle your feet, I mean they make you look sexy and 10 feet tall but as soon as you take them off your feet look like ASS.

8.) Speaking of ass, I need to go to the gym, so what irks me is that I CAN’T go to the gym at a reasonable time! It has to be so effing early or soo effing late. Kids, don’t have them!

9) Not winning the lottery.

10) TV shows that have like 3 weeks of breaks between episodes, seriously? YOU SUCK.

And that concludes the rant of the day.

To the one reader that reads this blog *waves hand* what irks you?

 

Ploopy… Pass It On

OH EM GEE it’s May already!

How does time fly like that?

Why has 7aki not been blogging a lot? It’s because life has been bitch slapping 7aki, that’s why.

And 7aki feels that she is bored too and in a totally UN-funny mood for the past 6 months.

So what has been happening?

Kids, work, life.

Also.

7aki turned 35 in March THAT’S WHAT.

7aki blames it all on turning 35. YIKES.

Why am I talking in the third person? LOL.

I am now closer to 40 than I was to 30 and this just sucks ASS. It really does.

I don’t care that 40 is the new 30 blah blah blah I feel different. I feel , what’s the right word here … ploopy … a word I read in one of Little 7aki’s books (name that book), I have no clue what it means but it kind of expresses how I feel.

I feel ploopy.

On another note, do you know the game pass it on? (in Arabic: iltilephone ilkharban) little 7aki comes to me while we are sitting in a group and whispers in my ear: “Ploopy, pass it on” and it CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME. We now do it with all sorts of things, if she wants to say something she does not want people to hear she whispers it in my ear, says pass it on, and giggles and after that I am a heap on the floor laughing.

It all started with Shaboobs, pass it on, which is another story for another time.

Shaboobs? AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. So funny. I write it here because I want to remember it when little 7aki is older. It’s a story about The bachelor, a girl called Chantal and her big assets. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Google it.

 

Guy Who Draws on The Elivator Door With His Nose Grease.

It’s hard for me to find anything on the internet that makes me laugh , but this!!!!!!  AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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