Overheard at the Office: Birthdays and Butter Chicken

7aki: The case of the deadly butter Chicken

Bob:  Hahahahaha – Are you gonna read it?

7aki:  If you buy it I will borrow it from you.

Bob:  I thought you might get it for me – for my birthday.

7aki:  Which is in April.

Bob:  Awwww you remembered – the month. Bonus Bob points if you know the date.

7aki:  The 20th?  Or the 14th

Bob:  No bonus points for you. I know Mar 2 is someone’s birthday

7aki:  You have it in your Iphone.  The 19th? Was I even close?

Bob:

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7aki:  HAHAHAHA.   But Awwww, what a cute baby.   The 12th?

Bob:  Just so that l’m clear on where l my relative importance ranking, please tell me you know  Ambigous Help Desk dudes Birthday? office loud mouth? Burper?

7aki:  When the f**k is your birthday.

Bob:  I should just adopt the day you thought was my birthday as my birthday. I’m now doubting my own birthdate.

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7aki:  I said 14th the first time! That was really close, and then I said the 12th??? So I knew it was between the 10th and the 20th.

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Bob:  Hahahahaha…. close enough from you is the equivalent of I love you from most people. I’ll take that.

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Overheard at the Office: The One Percent.

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Bob:  The 7aki’s are part of the 1 percent

7aki: Holllaaaaaaa.  But why does the 99 percent go on more vacations?

Bob: Two reasons:

1-      To escape a horrible day to day life

2-      They don’t have jobs that have responsibility

7aki:  So if you have more money you have less time to enjoy it. SOOOOOO IRONIC! Best case scenario, Baba 7aki makes lots of money and I quit my job to enjoy it!

Bob:  I think you have the answer!!!  I don’t want to work.

7aki:  Your lucky wife is not working.

Bob:  My wife does it all…but that is the problem. Trying to have it all, makes it stressful. Even my mother has told me to tell her to relax – cuz she will die early and leave me a widower.

7aki:  A widower to marry someone younger Aaaahahahahahahahahahha.

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. l should take out a bigger insurance policy!  Is there anything sacred that WE won’t joke about?

Urgent World Wide Search

I have lost something dear to me and I am announcing here on the internet in hopes that SOMEONE out there will find it.

I am so sad by this loss and honestly horrified at the idea of never finding it. Honestly I just want to cry right now.

When you have something that was with you since your teenage years and then suddenly you wake up one morning with no warning and it just …poof… disappears; it will mortify you.

Can you please help me by putting the word out there in hopes someone sees it?

I lost…

.

.

I lost …..

.

I lost my waist …. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

WTF waist? Where the eff did you go?  Seriously, this is NOT funny!

You think it’s sooooooooo funny that you just decided to just…DISAPPEAR!!!!!

Not cool and NOT FUNNY.

Is it the donuts that upset you? Those Tim Hortons Honey Crullers that I JUST discovered, seriously I have been in Canada for 10 years and I JUST discovered them, they are like a donut cloud that melts in your mouth. Is it because they are the most fattening donut Timmys has? IS IT? I will leave them if you promise to come back.

Or is it all those cotton candy I am having that they JUST STARTED selling at the store IN A BUCKET!!! Yes IN A BUCKET. Ahhhh, now that is just amazing.  IS IT? For you I will abandon them.

Or, or , please don’t say its the Chilli fries that I LOVE, please don’t let me leave them.. PLEAAAAAAAASE.  Are they? I will also leave them to win you back.

Waist, I miss you.

Do you know what happened since you left? I now sometimes have a little teeeeeeny tiny muffin top. WAAAAAAH.

Please come back (name that song).

Love you,

7aki’s muffin top.

PS:  They say the best part of the muffin is the top so if you decide not to come back then, psshhhhh, WHO NEEDS YOU.

PPS: Also, it seems my butt has transferred to my muffin top too, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

PPPS: NOT FUNNY!!!!!

Chipmunk or Hamster? Can’t Make Up My Mind.

On Tuesday I paid a nice visit to the torture chamber Oral surgeon and I got my wisdom tooth extracted.

Said tooth was sitting harmlessly in my mouth minding it’s own business and not causing any trouble, I just had to interfere in its harmlesness and get it out “just in case” it wanted to cause trouble later on.

Now I look like this

This is how I look like, but with less hair.

I am in pain. WHY DIDN’T I JUST LEAVE IT ALONE? I had to be all preventative and shiznet.

Throbbing pain alert!

Excuse me while I go self medicate.

A Mystery That Will Never Be Solved

This mystery has been plaguing me since I got married.

Well you see, before I got married I never did any laundry so I didn’t even know that this problem existed.

The mystery of the disappearing socks.

Seriously. When I collect the laundry MYSELF and wash it MYSELF and then dry it MYSELF  why is there always at least one orphan sock that does not have a brother (or a sister)?

Where do those socks go? Seriously people, WHERE?

The only theory I can think of is that there is a sock black hole in the washer or dryer that sucks the socks into a different dimension, and that black hole takes the socks to these peoples washing machines where these people are wondering :” Where the heck did this sock come from?”.

You know what would be nice? If these people only had one  foot because they would appreciate the mystery sock. If they had two feet then they would be like, WTF, why did I get this one stupid sock.

Despite this conundrum I always hold out hope of reuniting those orphans with their siblings and that’s why I established a sock orphanage where all those lonely mate-less socks reside in the hope of them being some day reunited with their siblings.

But the sad truth is that based on very reliable statistics the probability of those socks being reunited with their siblings is slim to none.

How Twitter Changed the Face of Blogging

I never realized that it is possible to convey a message, an idea or a thought with only 140 characters or less. It is really liberating.

That’s how Twitter benefited bloggers and blog readers. Instead of flooding the blog with one liners, or posting a rant here and there and writing fluff around it to make it into a post you simply share it on twitter and away you go, no need to have 10+ posts a day with a hundred links and video shares that, frankly, most people don’t bother to read.

Like when facebook came along the number of email forwards I received fell sharply that now I don’t even get any email forwards (except from a 55 year old lady that is still catching up on technology).

Twitter did the same to link posts. Since Twitter was born the number of those posts fell dramatically. I hardly see any posts that just link to a piece of news unless there is analysis or some sort of comment by the author.

Twitter has also opened the door to hundreds of thousands of people that might not have the time or energy to blog where you can still be in touch with people by simply and quickly updating them to what you do or read or think about on the fly via your cell phone or blackberry or IPhone.

But like everything that has good sides and bad one of the negative things is that some of my favorite bloggers (I am talking to you Tololy) have left their blogs and only twitter now. I can understand why; writing a post with over 1400 characters VS 140 is a lot of work.

Another thing is that people over share, OMG I had great lasagna (ahem ahem points finger at self), let me share it with the world.

But the most annoying thing is using shorthand, if you can’t fit what you need to twitter in 140 characters then please go blog it or something. Using words like b4, me 2, or u 2 and tc (just for you Roba 😉 ) is just not English. Maybe I am becoming like those older people who tell boys to cut their hair and pull up their pants but I don’t enjoy tweets that are written like that. Same goes for 3arabizi. It just takes too much energy to read.

But one thing for sure is that twitter is fun.

OMG I Totally Forgot….

… to wish myself a happy birthday on my blog!!!

SO:

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to 7akiiiiiiii
Happy birthday to meeeeeeee

So baba 7aki got me wicked and I mean WICKED presentSSSSSSS ( stress on the s, hahahaha)

And my birthday was yesterday.

I am 33 years old. YIKES! How did the years fly like that people??? Like, seriously, I don’t understand how I am 33. And I hate odd numbers , they are kind of creepy don’t you think?

And I want the summer to come already, I am freezing my ass here. 25 BELOW zero today, WHY? What purpose does -25 serve, seriously.

OK so I was at the library last week, I am at the library a lot these days, at least once a week and sometimes twice a week and I saw Oprah’s 20th anniversary collection (6 DVD’s) so I borrowed it. And what a fucking bummer those DVD’s were. I wanted to sob while watching half of them.

Like what the hell man, there is crying by people and Oprah in half of the 6 DVD’s. And I am hormonal and a bit sleep deprived.

But they were good, really good, I never realized Oprah was sooo amazing, I always thought she was boring and OMG wanted her to get laid already, hehehehe, but she moved me. And you have to watch this collection.

If I am to take away anything from this collection it would be the one thing that struck me the most and stayed with me. It is the simple act of how you greet or look at your child. Always have a smile on your face when you look at your kid because at a young age children only see a happy loving face or a critical face which gets them to thinking” What did I do wrong now?” or ” My parents don’t love me”, which will cause them to have so much self doubt resulting in low self esteem.

But there is soooo much more, interviews with Nelson Mandela, which was amazing because his talk and resistance of apartheid reminded me of our peoples plight. Also Sidney Poitier who is such an inspiration and many more people.

I have to say, her 20 year collection is very inspiring. I never thought I would say that about Oprah but I kinda like her after watching this.

So if I had a dinner party and I could invite 4 people dead or alive I want to invite:

Oprah, cos she is an icon and she likes to read just like me so it would be interesting to talk to her.
King Husain. I heard he liked fried tomatoes ( gallayet bandora). He is such a charismatic person and was such a legend.
Jon Stewart. He is soooooooooooo funny you gotta love him.
Gerard Butler, because he’s hot. And every dinner table NEEDS hotness. LOOOOOOOL.

Who would you invite?